Dating With Herpes and Relationship Problems

dating with herpes

In this article, you will learn about dating with herpes and how to solve relationship issues.

Are you in a relationship with herpes? You may find a person who feels that herpes is a burden. Reassure your friend that dealing with herpes is really quite simple. For the most part, it’s only an occasional annoyance.

Be able to handle questions in a straightforward manner with real facts. Stress but don’t overemphasize the reality that with mutual understanding and cooperation the risk of transmission is negligible.

How Couples Handle The Situation

Most couples where one person has herpes appear to handle the situation rather well. However, a major possibility is that herpes can take on a central role in the relationship. Yes, herpes may have to be monitored and taken into consideration in a couple’s sex life. And it will undoubtedly become a focus for emotional friction. However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Obviously, adjustment takes some time; but once it is accomplished, herpes should be reduced to its realistic perspective.

Remember, with understanding and experience, there are all sorts of ways to satisfy each other’s sexual needs. And there are ways to help each other’s emotional ones. Don’t be afraid to be frank about how you deal with herpes. Inhibitions about sexual and emotional communication are not far behind those about herpes. Open communication can go a long way toward establishing a relationship and bring herpes into its proper perspective.

If you keep these guidelines in mind, you’ll have little trouble.

Using herpes as a scapegoat, however, can cause some difficulties. Let’s look at that a little more closely. The line between a real problem with herpes and an excuse to avoid intimacy is a fine one. It’s part of the emotional matrix. A man or woman may indeed feel turned off, impotent or frigid because of herpes.

This should not be confused with other motivations that have not been clarified or worked of by between the partners. How do you tell the difference? It is an area that has kept psychiatrists and psychologists busy for a long time. What are people really saying each other? And how do they resolve problems? This has to do with how people relate to general and not just herpes.

Emotional Needs

Under ordinary circumstances, relationships can be out of balance when both persons’ needs are unsatisfied. Herpes can aggravate already existing imbalances. Remember, you are always dealing with people in their entirety, and they with you, not just the herpes virus. Decisions should be made with regard to another person, not with regard to herpes.

An outbreak of herpes in one or both partners may have many emotional connotations. This depends on how each individual has learned to react, but it has only one physical effect. No one should touch the sores. It does not necessarily mean foregoing orgasm even for the partner who is experiencing the symptoms. (Necessarily, because many people simply do not feel sexual at that time, or there” may; sufficient discomfort to preclude orgasm.

That’s not uncommon at all (individual responses cover a wide range) If orgasm by intercourse is at times difficult, remember that intimacy is not restricted to intercourse. Try not to place too many restraints on sexual expression, as it may be hard your partner. Curiously and creatively exploring new sensations,  and feelings can be a great boon to your love life.

You never know what you might learn and enjoy beyond the role you are “supposed” to take in sex. Caressing, caring, and closeness is sometimes what a person would most like. If you find yourself unable to cope with difficult circumstances in sex, I quickly recommend professional counseling.

Fear of Sexual Performance

Since genital herpes an infection associated with sexuality, it often becomes thought of as a sexual disease. Your means of expression of sexuality can sometimes be affected, but not your sexuality per se. Fortunately, these two ideas are sometimes difficult to separate. A syndrome of emotional responses can lead to a series of feelings much worse than the virus. It can lead to behavior reinforcing the bad feelings in a vicious cycle.

A large part of this problem stems from societal training that sex and sexuality are to be dealt with differently. Men with herpes more often worry about performance-also an idea fed by cultural orientation.

You might be thinking, herpes has damaged my sexuality. Therefore I am not the same as I was, which mass me feel bad about myself. This gives me problems in dealing with other people and prevents me from getting close to them. I am now less free than before because I feel worse about myself. So I am withdrawn because my sexuality is damaged because I have herpes. Notice the circularity.

You may indeed experience associated feeling sod embarrassment, shame, or even guilt followed by social withdrawal. Some people develop a fear of rejection because herpes has eroded their feelings of attractiveness, desirability, and self-esteem. Others go through periods of depression and helplessness.

Sexual and social dysfunctions

Sexual and social dysfunctions can occur as a direct result of the emotional impact of herpes. I want it to be clear that feelings of depression and helplessness, can be very natural reactions. These are emotional responses to the myths, fears, and social stigmas associated with herpes. But these effects are also common responses to other physical conditions or to life’s problems in general. They can seem insurmountable until understood and addressed. The crucial dimension of genital herpes that distinguishes it from other disorders is that it is associated with sexuality.

Even the most well-adjusted and psychologically attuned men and women are not immune to all of this emotional syndrome. There are all sorts of reasons for the interplay between the physical and psychological aspects of a disease like herpes.

One tends to think in terms of outright cures for the physical aspects of the virus. However, the less concrete problem of the personal aspects can be hidden and lost in the search for a cure. So your job is to identify your emotional feelings, deal with them, and get on with the business of living.

Common Herpes Feelings

herpes feelingsHerpes virus does not cause impotence, sterility, or neurological deficiency, although it may cause discomfort during or before recurrences! But it’s quite possible that it may affect your emotions and cause transient impotence or lack of desire.

Herpes has the great capacity to tap into and feed on other concerns and emotional styles that people have. While concern about contagion is an important emotional response, guilt is a useless one as it is in most situations. Feelings that you are being punished justly unjustly are not only unproductive but downright undermining. Guilt comes from many sources in our culture and getting herpes can often reactivate other guilt feelings.

Feelings of being contaminated all the time stem from the same roots. Since you now know what to do about contagion, you need not feel that way. Separate herpes your relationship with herpes from other areas of your life.


Anger is natural and needs to be let out, but not yourself! This only leads to self-dislike and more anger. Cure-chasing invariably leads either to more disappointment and frustration or to more anger and depression. The anger about herpes subsides automatically in direct proportion to your adjustment. But by all means be angry. You’re quite right in feeling that more research is needed to find a cure for herpes. And you are probably quite right is being angry about other circumstances related to herpes.

Fear of Rejection

But for now, the challenges that getting herpes may have set up. Fear of rejection is very common because herpes can initially deflate your sexual ego. Some people’s self-worth resolves entirely around their sexuality. For them, this can be a tough problem to deal with, but it shouldn’t be for two good reasons.

First, you now know that you can do pretty much what your heart desires between outbreaks. IN fact, you can do a great deal during them too if you exercise a little care and creativity. If you are single, the fear associated with herpes can play even more tricks on you. In part, this fear is based on anxiety that he or she won’t be able to perform properly.

Despite the current fashion for “relating” and “communicating,” real intimacy in talking about needs and desires. First-time sex or sex between people who do not yet know one another very well is rarely anxiety-free; one or both persons usually have something on the line. It usually involves performance and other forms of expectations and often leaves out ease, good feelings, and plain interactive passion.


In someone who has herpes, performance anxiety can feed upon this additional fear and anxiety that herpes creates. What about somebody else having to deal with your having herpes? You may feel like nobody’s going to want to sleep with you or deal with you when you have herpes. Nobody’s going to need to nurse you. In fact, you won’t have to nurse yourself much either once you’ve adjusted to herpes.

A little understanding, comfort, and encouragement is part of what friends and lovers can provide. If you can’t have some of that in a relationship, there’s something wrong with your choice of partner.

The initial talking through with a potential long-term partner is the psychological hurdle you have to clear. Then many other things will fall into place. Disappointments from rejections have occurred, of course, as they occur in other circumstances in life as well. However, there is a tendency to withdraw from the possibility of rejection.

Overcoming Negative Feelings

It is clear that the issue of communicating that they have herpes is the most difficult stage of adjustment. It’s mostly because of fear and rejection. However, you can overcome this successfully and quickly.

I’ve come across rejections blamed on herpes where it was not the culprit. But I have not seen herpes, per se, break up a relationship or prevent one from developing, except in some cases with extreme symptoms.

The people who do run into personal and emotional difficulties come through them. They make, break, and maintain relationships, sexual and otherwise, and live with vigor. The real danger lies in letting the emotional syndrome become more powerful and recurrent than the rash itself.

Obviously, we can’t always go around with creative exploration on our minds. Herpes can cause some trials and tribulations that require support and understanding from friends and lovers. But the point is that emotional and sexual interchange between partners need not be immensely affected.

People have rather amazing tolerances, strengths, and creativity when they get over the initial problems. This article is to help get you through and beyond those early adjustments. But again, ask for help if it seems to be taking too long. It’s your life. Use every means at your disposal to live it as well as you can.